


Winter's Kiss

by Lil_Hopeless_Romantic



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Dark, Death, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, New York, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Triggers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 08:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10963374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Hopeless_Romantic/pseuds/Lil_Hopeless_Romantic
Summary: You loved him.He loved her.Christmas time was around the corner.You knew confessions were starting to stir.You couldn't bring yourself to be part of that.





	Winter's Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS CONTAINS MENTIONS OF ALL THE TAGS. IF ANY OF THESE TRIGGER YOU PLEASE DO NOT READ.
> 
> I wrote this a bit ago on my tumblr. I was going through a huge problem and I needed to vent it out. In the past I use to hurt myself and then I found writing as another out look. It helped a lot during the most troubling of times. I am doing a lot better now. I am still a work in progress though.
> 
> Please note also that if any of you reading this are going through this at the moment. I do care, I understand and there are good times to get you through it. I know it will always be something in your life but the good does help. Enjoy those moments and know people care!

The windows shook with each passing breath of the cold winter’s night. The lights outside illuminating the small flakes that were scattering around the ground, giving it an appearance of dust.  You could feel the cold coming off the glass of the window, making you shiver slightly. Knowing the snow would be falling soon, you slowly began to pace in front of the fireplace. Your thoughts going a mile a minute.

You have been friends with a wonderful male since your second year of Hogwarts. You and he were connected at the hip due to your love for all Magical Beasts. You and him were drawn to each other and at one point couldn’t even stand being apart from each other for longer than 10 minutes. People mistook you both for being a couple. Which you both very much acted as such. Occasionally caught holding hands or leaning up against each other. You knew you fell for him when you watched him in the Forbidden Forest care for an injured Bowtruckle that you both happened upon. Yet, there always seemed to be someone getting in-between you two. Never giving you both a chance to fully love one another. You thought you were finally seeing your own feelings being reflected back, until Leta Lestrange came into the picture. She was beautiful but had her own agenda. You watched helplessly as the boy of your dreams trailed behind her like a puppy. You both got into your first fight over her after you tried to talk to him about her behavior. You didn’t talk for weeks and during those weeks you fell into a deep depression.

You felt worthless, insecure, and above all unloved. You watched from afar as he continued his life without you and that hurt even more. That was the beginning of your torment. You stopped eating, thinking it was your fault that you weren’t as beautiful as her. You lost a lot of weight to the point that it brought about much concern from many of your professors. People began to talk about your sudden weight loss and you could hear the whispers but were too exhausted to care.

It was during dinner one night that you snuck off to hide when you bumped into him again. Newt Scamander, the adorable Hufflepuff that stole your heart. You averted your gaze and whispered an apology. You quickly walked around him and continued down your path. You heard him whisper your name but you continued on. It was only when you felt his hands grip your arm that you stopped.

“(Y/N)… what have you been doing to yourself?” He whispered discontent.

Anger grew in you as you spun around, a full glare planted on your face. He took a small step back as he examined you more closely. Your once vibrant (E/C) eyes no longer sparkled but were dull and almost lifeless. You hair seemed dull and lost its appeal, even your skin looked more pale. Newt didn’t understand what could have caused you to spiral down into such a state.

“Why would you even care about what happens to me?” You accused.

Newt gaped at you. The anger coming from you so strong that it was cutting off his breathing. He couldn’t understand why you were so upset with him. The fight you both had was a bit ago and since then he was waiting for a good time to come and talk to you about it. He frowned deeply. He might have waited too long. He knew he was also constantly being distracted by Leta.

“(Y/N), you know I do care, you are my friend.”

You scoffed, a bitter smile forming on your lips.

“Where were you when Leta came to me after our fight and slapped me across the face and told me she can use you however she sees fit?” You growled out, “Oh wait, I can’t mention her at all or poor little Newt will get so mad at me and would never believe me.”

Newt felt his heart slowly breaking. Not because of what Leta said but of the broken look that had appeared on your face. He took a step toward you and grabbed a hold of your hand. You tensed and made a move to run away but Newt pulled you toward him and embraced you.

“I am so sorry…”

You cried so hard that day that Newt carried you back to your room. Since then he made sure to make time to spend with you and check in on you. He would never leave you alone again.

A single tear fell from your eyes as you remember that Leta set the magical creature loose in school and that proceeded with Newt’s expulsion. You were heartbroken all over again. Yet you both continued to write to each other and he then later asked for you to join him on his adventures.

Which leads you to where you are now. Visiting New York and the Goldsetin sister’s. You sneered at the floor. Why was it that when a pretty girl came into Newt’s life he would suddenly throw you to the side? Were you just there to keep him company until he found his true companion? Or did he just love toying with your emotions? You couldn’t be sure. All you knew was that you were still so in love with him. Even after you watched him brushed back her hair. Looked at her so longingly and promising to come back to give her a copy of the book in person. This almost broke you.

Sitting on the couch in the Goldstein’s apartment, it was too early for anyone to be awake. You just couldn’t shake the grip of the shadows of depression lingering over you. You had no idea why it was so hard to be happy. Even when you felt like you did something right, you would suddenly be drowned in tears. All you wanted was just to be happy.

Even if that meant leaving Newt’s side. You rubbed your shoulders slightly and winced. Sighing you lifted up the sweaters sleeves slightly to reveal cuts along your arms. Some old and some fresh. If Newt ever found out, he would not be able to live with himself. He was so kind hearted that he would have given up his own love life in order to make anyone happy. That was not what you wanted, a guilt filled love? No, never. You gripped your head as more images of him went through your mind. Why was he so hard to forget?

You always had to watch where your thoughts went around Queenie. You knew she was trying to get a better read on you but you held tight to the wall around your mind. You never really got a chance to let your thoughts completely gather. You could not think things through unless it was nights like tonight. Where everyone was asleep. Waiting for the day that Christmas will be here. You on the other hand were just itching to leave.

But this time felt different. You knew there was a huge change going to happen soon. You just didn’t want to find out what. You finally got up from the couch and went into the guest bedroom that the sisters had set up for you and Newt. He was for once asleep on the single bed, the case in the middle of the two beds. You quietly made your way over to it and popped it open. Gently climbing in to check on the creatures.

You knew that the creatures adored you and you felt the same pull toward them. The distraction that they gave you was of pure bliss. How could you feel down when they would nuzzle your cheek or follow you around during you work. Smiling happily you made your way over to the Niffler’s den. His small black fur rising and falling gently as he laid there asleep on his mountain of shiny objects. You smiled and watched him sleep. He was so very cute.

Your mind was at peace, not hearing the shacks door open or the suddenly quiet whispers of two people. You were in such a trance that it wasn’t until the small creature himself moved and you were so nervous that you accidently woke him up. That was when you heard them, your heart stopped.

“Newt, I am so very sorry about waking you. I just needed to talk to you.”

The voice was none other than Tina Goldstein. You felt your world suddenly starting to rip itself apart. You knew that this is why you were in such a dread filled state. She finally got the courage to tell Newt her feelings and he will finally admit to having the same.

“What is going on?”

You heard her sigh and her voice became quieter. You could barely make out the words as you began to sneak closer. You saw them walking close to the shack. They were so close to each other that if one moved a certain way, they would touch briefly and probably send sparks flying through the other person. You heart began to beat faster and faster. Her lips were moving but you had no idea what she was saying.

Newt watched and listened intensely until his eyes shot open wide.  This was it, she confessed. You closed your eyes and internally screamed. You could not bear to watch the couple kiss or let alone touch. You had to get out of here now. You just needed, for your heart’s sake, to not witness the birth of their happily ever after. You ducked behind tables and plants. Using the trees to peak out at them as you noticed Newt grab a hold of her hand. A small smile gracing his lips as he muttered a small ‘thank you’ to her. You knew that this was the end of your time with Mr. Newt Scamander and the loneliness that crept into you was too much.

You could no longer wait as you watched Tina put her arms around his neck and embrace him. You could not hold it in any longer. You jumped toward the shack and ran upstairs. You heard your name being yelled but you did not wait around. The adrenaline pumped into you as you grabbed your wand from the dresser and apparated out of the apartment and into the cold night.

You didn’t even notice the bite of the wind as you continued to run. You had to go somewhere; you could not go back to them. You didn’t want to go back to them, you just wanted to disappear. You could feel the sweat slowly begin to fall from your forehead, the wind instantly making it cold against you.  You saw a park up ahead and looked behind you, no one was following you.

Of course they wouldn’t. No one cared enough to.

You made your way to a bench, taking a seat on it, you allowed yourself to cry. Horrible pain inducing sobs escaped you, shaking you to the core. You let out a silent scream and held yourself. You were such a burden to everyone. You had no one left. In a world filled with so many people, there was no one for you.

A good amount of time had passed when you were only sniffles. Getting up from the bench, you began a slow walk around the park. Still not noticing how your thin clothing did nothing to protect you from the cold. You ignored it and continued on.

First Leta and now Tina. Why were you not good enough? Sure you weren’t as thin as Tina, or have fair soft skin as her, or have beautiful black hair. She was an auror and you hadn’t done much except for go on missions with Newt and look after beautiful magical creatures.  He must notice how dependent you are to him and he must like the fact that Tina was independent. That was why he was so wrapped around Leta.

You would never be like them. You would never be anyone to Newt. Looking up you felt yourself stop. Your heart picked up and you felt fresh tears begin to form. A street light a few feet away caused a curtain of light, a spotlight that seemed to move, you eyed it closer only to see that there stood none other than the beautiful Magizoologist. His face was warm and gentle as he held his hand out toward you. You had never seen that look on his face before. Gathering enough courage you ran, holding out your hand as you got closer and closer. Maybe he did care?

You lunged yourself at him, only to be met with nothing but chills. The powder dust snow twirled and danced mockingly at you. A figment of your imagination. The snow sparkled around you like pixie dust and hit your face harshly. He was never there.

You allowed yourself to fall to the ground. Your muscles felt numb, your body had stopped shivering. You were just exhausted. You pulled yourself to the snow covered grass and laid your body down. Allowing the wet snow around you to lay itself and settle on your body. Your eye lids felt heavy and breathing had become much harder.

Where were you again?

~*~

Newt, Tina and Queenie were scrambling around looking for you. Newt and Tina had tried to catch up to you after they noticed you bolt for the door. Newt felt fear creep up inside of him as he pulled his coat closer to him. This night was the chilliest he had felt in a long time and you had not taken any form of protection from this cold with you. He had to find you before you got hurt. His heart was beating wildly as he turned into another alley. He felt like the minutes had turned into hours and he still had no trace of you. Where did you go? What did you hear?

He frowned deeply as he recounted the conversation him and Tina were having before he saw you run. She had come to him and asked to talk to him in private. A look of pure worry was seen on her face. She seemed so distressed that Newt took her into his case, thinking you were asleep in your own bed. He felt so stupid for not even looking over. He would have realized you weren’t there. When Tina had pulled him aside to tell him that Queenie finally was able to hear your thoughts. Queenie had been awaken due to the sheer amount of pressure that your emotions and thoughts were causing. The anguish and sorrow were so much that Queenie could barely breathe. Your thoughts clouded her mind and when she saw the image of your scared up arm, she lost all her nerves and ran to Tina for advice and comfort. When Tina relayed this information to Newt about your unhappiness and self-harm, Newt had felt like someone had knocked the air out of him.

You of all people, he would have never suspected. The way you cared for his creatures, the loud laughs you two shared. The way you glowed when his beasts nuzzled you or followed you. You seemed anything but unhappy. Newt loved watching you interact with his creatures. It was on such a day that he realized how truly lucky he was to have you in his life. He had even thrown away the picture of Leta. His feelings for her long since gone. You were in all his thoughts and dreams. He was just so scared to tell you that he loved you. He didn’t want to ruin what you both had, so he held it in.

Newt had to find you and tell you everything and hope that with his confession, he could help you try and heal. He knew it may not be as perfect as it always has been. This new problem that has arisen will take a lot of time and patience. It seemed like this has been an ongoing battle since you were both young. Newt was determined to be your rock.

“Oh (Y/N), where are you?”

Newt came across a lonely park, one that seemed to be a little out of the way and less popular. A few lights scattered the area and not many benches seemed to be placed there. He took extra precautions. This seemed to be a place where people caused problems. He ventured forward. There was something drawing him in. Looking carefully around him, he noticed foot prints. They had begun to slowly be covered up by the snow. Newt became frantic and ran looking in every corner and under every bench. It wasn’t until he noticed your tracks suddenly stop. Frowning he looked around him. Did you apparate out of the park? Maybe you were at home, heating up by the fire place.

He smiled at the briefly passing image. He would never let you out of his sight again once he found you. He began to walk away only to stumble forward a bit. He looked down and froze in place. He didn’t want to follow the slender foot. His eyes trailing up the pale almost blue looking leg. He gasped as he noticed you already starting to cover up with the falling snow. He rushed over to you and held you close. Your lips blue and your eyes closed. He cupped your cheek and shook you slightly.

“Please wake up…”

He waited for any response. Anything at all but you laid limply in his arms. He checked your neck for a pulse but either he was shaking so hard or you were gone. His mind went hysterical as he looked around him. He had to take you to a hospital right away. He apparated you both to the closest hospital.

It all seemed surreal to him. He walked in and cried out for help. He could hear clouded voices but everything seemed to mute, people’s mouths moved but no sound came out. He set you down gently on the stretcher and noticed the glum faces on the nurses who attempted to get a reading on your plus. He watched as they took you away.

He stayed in his spot, glued there. His ears started ringing his eyes lids felt heavy. He couldn’t even hear the frantic sound of Tina and Queenies voice when they appeared next to him. Tina and Queenie shook Newt and suddenly, everything returned to him and he felt dizzy.

“Okay, okay Newt just sit down. What happened?”

Tears began to cascade down his freckled face. He heaved out a sob as his shoulders shook. You would be okay, right?

“Newt, please your scaring us!” Tina pleaded.

Queenie stood completely still as she watched the poor man in front of her shatter into pieces. Tears pricked at her eyes. She finally allowed herself to kneel down and place a hand at his shoulders.

“Excuse me, are you the gentleman who brought the woman in?”

A doctor with a long white coat and stethoscope around his neck came out to them. A clipboard in his hands. He was looking through his papers, no emotion was shown on his face. Newt felt himself drop. As if he had missed the first step on the stairs.

“Y-Yes, for (Y/N), how is she? Is she okay?” Newt felt all his energy being used to utter those words.

The doctor looked at Newt and then at the Goldstein sisters. Trying to figure out if it was safe to talk or if one of them might become overwhelmed. Newt gave a small nod and the doctor looked Newt straight in the eyes. A tired, worn look on his face, pity, sympathy flashed through them quickly.

“I apologize to have to tell you this but the young lady did not make it. It seems that she was out there far too long and without any heavy clothing or anything to shield her, she succumb quickly to the cold.”

Silence was all he heard. He looked at the doctor shocked; the Goldstein sister’s cries were completely silent to his ears. His body shook and his heart stopped. He felt sick and wanted to throw up. You smile flashed through his head, every single moment that he had spent with you would have to be explained in past tense. Your name and everything associated with you was now in the past. You were no longer allowed to be referred to as present or future tense.

There was no future for you and him. He clenched his firsts, an anger he had never felt suddenly waved through him. Violent and hot, it hurt him. He clenched his teeth in an attempt to not cry out. His best friend, his love, his creature’s second mummy, was gone.

Newt didn’t even notice the tears that continued to fall from his eyes. Everything in the world became duller, plainer. He should have told you sooner, it was his fault. If he would have noticed how depressed you had gotten, he could have helped, but he didn’t. Just like the last time at Hogwarts.

It was his fault. It was his entire fault. A loud wail left his lips as he slammed his fists on the upper part of his legs. He cries echoed in the quiet hallway. He looked up to see them wheeling out your body, a white blanket draped over your face. He shot up and rushed to your lifeless body. The nurses and doctors tried to intervene but he pushed passed them. He leaned over you and pulled the blanket back. Your eyes closed, your face looked so peaceful that he almost forgot that you were gone. He noticed that your face was stained with the trail of tears and that is when he realized that you were alone and crying. That was your final moment on the Earth, he began to sob once again. Cupping your cheek he leaned down and gave you a kick kiss on your cold lips. He slowly pulled the white sheets back over you. Realizing that he this was the end.

Cupping your cheek through the fabric one again he leaned his forehead on yours.

“I love you, I always have. Please forgive me for not being there for you. P-Please forgive me. I am sorry.”

He noticed the tears seep through the fabric as the Goldstein sisters pulled Newt away. He watched the nurses continue their journey, taking you away from him. He never thought that this is where he had to say goodbye. He always had hoped there would not be a need for one until old age took you both.

He loved you and now you were gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
